Steve Makohim is very correct with his views on moving forward and not moving on with grief.
“Much of human suffering is self-inflicted by living in a past that no longer exists, or projecting into a negative future that has not yet existed. Both are unfortunate consequences of thought patterns.
Some people believe that an “appropriate” amount of mourning is necessary to reflect how significant their loss was — if we still suffer 5 years after the fact, then that’s because it was a really big deal. That’s what they believe, and so they end up mourning. And mourning. And mourning.
I don’t criticize that or alleged it’s bad, wrong, or lesser. I merely shine a spotlight on what is so.
I place a great deal of importance on happiness, and so I work on healing my inner stuff, dealing with grief, and allowing it to go, so I can resume my normal happy self. I hold the view that martyrdom is overrated. I just prefer wellbeing and happiness, and so I make that my priority, rather than demonstrating how big a loss was to me.”
My two lessons regarding grief.1— you cannot get sick, mad, depressed, sad, or cry enough to bring back your losses or whatever is responsible for your grief or pains. 2 —The deeper the hole grief digs into your heart the more love that will hold later, and more endangered your heart, mind, restoration become.
Bad times do not last forever, it feels like it when you’re going through them. But if you learn to move forward and not move on with your grief, you feel much more better, live healthy and feel great.
Dr. Sandra C. Duru